The human mind is a crazy thing. I don't know how it holds so much stuff in that little space. The really strange thing is that is it seems like the brain keeps crystal clear memories, but mostly of the negative things. At least that's how it is for me. 13 years ago today, my grandpa Charlie went to live with Jesus in Heaven. I'm sure some people can't comprehend that I am still impacted by this day. But what most people don't realize is why I am still impacted by that day.
Everyone loses grandparents. And it always sucks. But most of the time, grandparents are sick and have suffered. I lost my great-grandma Cora this past February and it sucked, really sucked because she was one of my most favorite people. But it was grandmas time to go; she was ready to leave this earth and be with Jesus. I was saddened that she had to go, but I know that in my heart, I was ok with it. I can honestly say that I was not ready to say goodbye to my grandpa...
I was 14, my 15th birthday was in 3 short days and I was excited to be 15. It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon and my dad had actually wanted to play tennis with me. I was on the Varsity Tennis Team and loved to play. My dad and I practiced in the driveway and were having a good time. In the middle of our 'practice', a family acquaintance came by and told my dad he should go down to my grandpas house and see what was going on, that my grandpas big John Deere was upside down in the front yard and that my grandpa would probably want help turning it over. So my dad jumped in the truck and headed down there. I was disappointed because I usually didn't get a lot of 'good' time with my dad because he always had better things to do - like drink. So I went outback to the patio and bounced the tennis ball in frustration. Then, my friend Michelle called and I remember talking to her for a short time until my mom came in the den and said, "Your dad is still down there and I have a bad feeling, let's go see what's going on." We left the house so fast that I brought the cordless phone with me (this was before cell phones). As we were pulling out of the driveway, we saw a firetruck with its lights & sirens going heading towards my grandparents house. Our hearts sank; we knew it couldn't be good. We raced down the road and the 1 mile journey felt like it took forever, I think we held our breath the whole time. Pulling up to the house, we saw firetrucks in the front yard and lots of people around. We pulled into the drive on the south side that led back to the warehouse and garden. We jumped out of the car and my mom told me to stay back. She ran to the mess of firetrucks and people and blended into to the crowd. I remember my aunt Carole and aunt Laurie standing with me...we had no idea what was going on. Clearly something was wrong, but what? We couldn't see pass the mess of people and firetrucks and then the ambulance showed up, blocking our 'view' even more. I remember there were people pulling off the road and watching the crazyness unfold. Two guys that I grew up with stopped by and I remember chatting with them, who knows what we talked about, but it got my mind off the madness for a second. At one point I was sick of standing around, so I tried to get closer to see what the heck was happening. Thankfully, my aunt Laurie tackled me to the ground as I got closer because she didn't want me to see something that would haunt me for the rest of my life. 'Haunt me?' I thought. What the heck was going on?! I have no idea how I got home, but I remember being there, with random members of my family and my mom told me that they took grandpa to the hospital in the ambulance. I remember asking if he was okay. No one knew. We had no idea if he was even alive. That was a horrible feeling. I kept thinking, 'he has to be alive! This kind of stuff doesn't happen to us.' After an hour or so of waiting, we got word that he was not alive, that he had passed away. That had to be the worst few seconds of my life. My uncle Scott was helping my great-grandma with some stuff at her house, so my mom went to get them and tell them the news. She brought them back to our house and we waited for other members of the family to arrive. The worst visual I had from that night was when my aunt Julie arrived and my uncle Scott had to tell her that her dad, the person that raised her, was gone. I remember her falling to her knees screaming. Oh my gosh that was so painful. Once my sister got home, we all went down to my grandparents house. We were waiting for my grandma to get home. Once again, we didn't have cell phones, so my grandma had no idea what was going on. She was at a computer class all day and had no idea what the rest of us were doing all evening. I remember Pastor Howard from Rosewood came over and hugged us. I still remember what the yard looked like; tore up from firetrucks and vehicles driven over all of it. And I can still remember the smell of oil from the tractor, a smell that haunted a lot of us for years.
Things were a jumbled mess for the next several days. The birthday that I was looking forward to was spent in the funeral home. And now, I look back on the last 13 years and think of all things grandpa missed. He never got to see us graduate, get married or start families. I think of how life would be different if he were still here but I know God took him for a reason. I have comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven looking down on us, smiling each day.
Love you grandpa!!! Thanks for always being there for us :)
Everyone loses grandparents. And it always sucks. But most of the time, grandparents are sick and have suffered. I lost my great-grandma Cora this past February and it sucked, really sucked because she was one of my most favorite people. But it was grandmas time to go; she was ready to leave this earth and be with Jesus. I was saddened that she had to go, but I know that in my heart, I was ok with it. I can honestly say that I was not ready to say goodbye to my grandpa...
I was 14, my 15th birthday was in 3 short days and I was excited to be 15. It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon and my dad had actually wanted to play tennis with me. I was on the Varsity Tennis Team and loved to play. My dad and I practiced in the driveway and were having a good time. In the middle of our 'practice', a family acquaintance came by and told my dad he should go down to my grandpas house and see what was going on, that my grandpas big John Deere was upside down in the front yard and that my grandpa would probably want help turning it over. So my dad jumped in the truck and headed down there. I was disappointed because I usually didn't get a lot of 'good' time with my dad because he always had better things to do - like drink. So I went outback to the patio and bounced the tennis ball in frustration. Then, my friend Michelle called and I remember talking to her for a short time until my mom came in the den and said, "Your dad is still down there and I have a bad feeling, let's go see what's going on." We left the house so fast that I brought the cordless phone with me (this was before cell phones). As we were pulling out of the driveway, we saw a firetruck with its lights & sirens going heading towards my grandparents house. Our hearts sank; we knew it couldn't be good. We raced down the road and the 1 mile journey felt like it took forever, I think we held our breath the whole time. Pulling up to the house, we saw firetrucks in the front yard and lots of people around. We pulled into the drive on the south side that led back to the warehouse and garden. We jumped out of the car and my mom told me to stay back. She ran to the mess of firetrucks and people and blended into to the crowd. I remember my aunt Carole and aunt Laurie standing with me...we had no idea what was going on. Clearly something was wrong, but what? We couldn't see pass the mess of people and firetrucks and then the ambulance showed up, blocking our 'view' even more. I remember there were people pulling off the road and watching the crazyness unfold. Two guys that I grew up with stopped by and I remember chatting with them, who knows what we talked about, but it got my mind off the madness for a second. At one point I was sick of standing around, so I tried to get closer to see what the heck was happening. Thankfully, my aunt Laurie tackled me to the ground as I got closer because she didn't want me to see something that would haunt me for the rest of my life. 'Haunt me?' I thought. What the heck was going on?! I have no idea how I got home, but I remember being there, with random members of my family and my mom told me that they took grandpa to the hospital in the ambulance. I remember asking if he was okay. No one knew. We had no idea if he was even alive. That was a horrible feeling. I kept thinking, 'he has to be alive! This kind of stuff doesn't happen to us.' After an hour or so of waiting, we got word that he was not alive, that he had passed away. That had to be the worst few seconds of my life. My uncle Scott was helping my great-grandma with some stuff at her house, so my mom went to get them and tell them the news. She brought them back to our house and we waited for other members of the family to arrive. The worst visual I had from that night was when my aunt Julie arrived and my uncle Scott had to tell her that her dad, the person that raised her, was gone. I remember her falling to her knees screaming. Oh my gosh that was so painful. Once my sister got home, we all went down to my grandparents house. We were waiting for my grandma to get home. Once again, we didn't have cell phones, so my grandma had no idea what was going on. She was at a computer class all day and had no idea what the rest of us were doing all evening. I remember Pastor Howard from Rosewood came over and hugged us. I still remember what the yard looked like; tore up from firetrucks and vehicles driven over all of it. And I can still remember the smell of oil from the tractor, a smell that haunted a lot of us for years.
Things were a jumbled mess for the next several days. The birthday that I was looking forward to was spent in the funeral home. And now, I look back on the last 13 years and think of all things grandpa missed. He never got to see us graduate, get married or start families. I think of how life would be different if he were still here but I know God took him for a reason. I have comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven looking down on us, smiling each day.
Love you grandpa!!! Thanks for always being there for us :)
No comments:
Post a Comment