I am so thankful that I have faith, because if I didn't, I don't know where I'd be. Without faith, how does one know that things will be okay? When times get tough, what do those faithless have?

The faith that God will provide us a family is what gets me through each day. I KNOW that God has a plan and I am just waiting for it to unfold. This Saturday is National Adoption Day and although I am sad that we do not get to feel the joy of adoption, I am excited that ONE DAY we will be celebrating along side other adoptive families.

Our journey is a crazy one and each day brings new joy, excitement and fear. We never know what is going to happen next but still have our faith that whatever it is, will be God's will.

Happy October!!!

My favorite month is officially here! Last October was a whirlwind of awesomeness and I am hoping that his October is just as amazing. On October 15th, 2010, we were blessed with our little Pauly...and he was such an amazing part of our lives. I still think about him just about everyday and hope that he is growing up to be an awesome little man.

This October seems to be pretty good so far and hopefully it continues to be good. I am going to start my October baking and start making 'everything pumpkin'!

I have a new addiction...www.pinterest.com

The site is seriously addicting! I now have a follower that I have never even met, so I feel as if I have to step up my "pinning" game a bit! But I really do love checking out beautiful decorating ideas, baby stuff & crafts for me (and the baby) to do.

While I was on the site last night, I stumbled across a section about adoption. If I ever had any doubt in my mind about adoption, it was taken away in the moments I spent online last night. See, I've always known I wanted to adopt; I've felt it in my heart since I was little. But sometimes people (society) tell us that we need to "have" our own kids. I can't even begin to count how many people have thought I was crazy that we don't want to seek medical help to have our "own" babies. I really feel that God put me (us) on this earth to rescue babies. I know it is hard for people to understand if a) they don't know God or b) they just don't have the compassion to understand. The second I start to feel at peace about the decision that we, and God, have made, it seems that someone comes along telling me how sad the situation is and how holding your newborn baby is the best feeling in the world. I want to yell, "thanks a lot! like I even have a CHOICE about the matter, now you just made it all the worse." Can anyone blame me for wanting to say that? No, but if I actually said it aloud, now that would be rude. Kinda crazy, huh? People can say extremely hurtful things to us because they want to express their opinions about the situation? I guess. Or maybe they are just plain stupid :) Who knows!

I can't wait until the day that God opens a door, a big door, for us and gives us the awesomest gift in the world. Until then, we pray for the family that HE wants us have, however that may happen.

This made me smile----it's the little buddy's most recent art project :)

Happy Father's Day! It has been one crazy week around our house! Matt got sick Thursday night and it was pretty bad. I took him to urgent care on Friday night and after 2 hours & a $50 bill, they could not figure out what was wrong with him. They suggested we go to the ER at the hospital around the corner. He has had this same type of thing before, so we just went home (it was 9pm by this point) and he woke up feeling much better yesterday. Unfortunately, now I think I am getting whatever he had. Thankfully mine just consists of nausea, which I hope will soon go away. We both pretty much just laid around the house all day yesterday.

Today was the Radiant Car Show! Matt stayed home since he was not 100% yet and I took the baby with me. He had a great time in the baby room :) He gets spoiled rotten by all the teachers on the weekend AND during the weekend...what a lucky boy!

This truck was my fav!

Ever have a day where you just feel like you're on a roller coaster? I have. Actually, everyday is one of those for a foster parent. One second I am happy to be the proud foster mom of this incredible baby, then the next...fear of what might happen down the road. Ugh! I hate to make all my blog posts about depressing, annoying, Debbie-downer stuff, but unfortunately, it's our life right now.

I even lost it with a co-worker today. He asked me how the baby was and I just broke down. I felt bad, but I really don't get to vent much about details because we are so cautious about what we share. Poor guy really got to hear some crazy stuff! As if it's not enough to not know what the future of your family looks like, we are living in fear, physical fear of our foster babies parents.

So I apologize for the negative-Nancy attitude lately. Please pray that we can all be happy and just soak up all the baby time that we have.

Every time I need a pick-me-up, I can just look HERE :)

This is a hard time of year for me. This is the time when Michigan becomes a better place to be. The grass is green, the water is nice, people are starting to go outside...and we are beginning the hibernation process. We dread the high temps and they look forward to them, welcoming them with open arms. Kind of how us Arizonans are in November :) This is my 5th summer in the desert and every year I dread it. Funny, kind of how Michiganders are in November :) Even though I dread it, I am still thankful to be here!

The little guy is doing good. I am pretty sure he has colic, something I thought was a myth. How cow was I wrong! I am now a firm believer that it exists and that it is straight from the devil! How a baby can cry so much is a mystery to me. But I still wouldn't trade this time with him for anything in the world! He has taught us patience, love, how to live on little sleep...oh, and did I mention patience? :) He is the light of our lives right now and we pray each day for his future, whatever that may be.

Matt is out of school for the summer! And I am back to work! What a crazy week we had. I went back to work on Thursday and his last day was Friday. It's amazing how God has orchestrated this time in our lives so perfectly. Lots of times we see God's hand in things AFTER the fact. But in this season, with the baby, we can see it in the present...and it's amazing. This journey to parenthood is the complete opposite of easy or fun, but it's cool to see God's hand in it every step of the way.

Independence Hall in Philadelphia

Matt is back from Philly! Yay! It was so hard having him gone this past weekend, but we survived, and most importantly, he had a great, safe trip.

Things have been pretty chill around here other than Matt being gone. My weekend was extremely relaxing. I got to have dinner with Chelsea which was awesome. It's insane how often we DON'T see each other. I mean, we live less than a mile away from each other and we never see one another. She went out of town this weekend and I actually RAN to her house to feed her babies. I was pretty proud of myself :) It was a big step for me! So one of my new goals for this year...see my (local) friends more!

We had our annual foster renewal today. And as far as I know, it went well. I feel very uplifted tonight and feel like I'm ready to conquer the world! Okay, maybe not the world, but the foster world for sure. It's crazy how draining it is to prepare yourself to receive a child and know that you may not be able to keep that child. As a compassionate person, I want to save all of them. But I know that is not possible. One of the many reasons I love Matt is that he thinks with his head (I think with my heart mostly) and I know for a fact that is one of the reasons God placed us together. We are a perfect pair :) And I thank God everyday for such an amazing partner to share my life with :)

January is flying by! It is January 17 already....where did the first half of the month go?! I have been so busy that I can't even find 5 minutes to write on my blog...man, that's sad! But I guess spending time with the cutest little guy around is time better spent :)

Our foster license is up for renewal in April, so we have to get all the paperwork in by February 20, so that's been my main project right now. It's a lot of paperwork! Pauly is still with us. We have no idea when he is going back. I secretly want the judge to say that he will be staying with us forever :) But I know that is not going to happen, so I am not letting my hopes get too high. I, the queen of impatience, am abnormally patient these days. I am quite proud of myself :) I know it won't last, so I'm soaking it up right now. I think it is because I am finally realizing that God has a plan, a plan that is much bigger than anything I can ever imagine, and I just have to be patient and know that everything will all work out in the end. Why couldn't I have realized this 3 years ago?! Duh, because I'm stubborn!

Brighter news---Baby VanSpyker is due in just a few days! I cannot wait to hold that little bugger next month.

The sale of the house is going great so far. We are hoping everything continues to go smoothly and that we can find a place to live (once the offer is approved) that is much closer to church. I can hardly wait to have a 10 minute drive instead of a 30 minute drive (each way!) 6 days a week. I dread having to pack this house....boo. I am so organized and complusive that having things in boxes, scattered all around is torture to me. Especially with a baby. Ugh, I am having a hard time thinking about it right now. So I shall stop and think about better things :)